March
In addition to Caffeine Awareness Month, March is also the official National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. At fist, I wasn't going to touch this one . . . but I couldn't resist. The Cancer Research and Prevention foundation promotes awareness of colon cancer and recommends regular colonoscopies and other preventative procedures. I went to their website and was greeted with a picture and description of their Super Colon. They describe it as "an inflatable 20-foot long and 8-foot high replica of the human colon. As visitors walk through the display, they get an up close look at healthy colon tissue." There are so many jokes I could make about this . . . Use your imagination so I can avoid the complaints I would surely get.
March is also National Noodle Month, National Nutrition Month and Kidney Month. March 5th is Multiple Personalities Day (should there be several days for that?). March 20th is Extraterrestrial Abduction Day. March 31st is Bunsen Burner Day. There are also several that I can't mention, but I really laughed about when I read them.
Today is St. Urho Day. Who is St. Urho? I'm glad you asked. According to legend, he used a pitchfork to skewer thousands of locusts out of Finnish grape vineyards, thus saving the farmers from losing their crops. He is now known as the official saint of grasshopper eradication.
To celebrate St. Urho Day you should wear purple and green to symbolize the grasshoppers and the grapes they never got to eat; you should also go to a lake shore and chant "Heinäsirkka, heinäsirkka, meine täättä hiiteen," which roughly translated means "Grasshopper, grasshopper, get out of here." He has a statue in Minnesota honoring him. He is depicted carrying a pitchfork with an enormous grasshopper impaled on it.
March 27th is National Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day. Grab some of your most redneck, backwoods friends (you'd better not call me) and line dance to the likes of "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" by Little Jimmie Dickens, "You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly" by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, "You're the Hangnail in My Life (And I Can't Bite You Off)" by Hoyt Axton, and "Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart" by Johnny Cash.
Make sure to celebrate all of our national observances. To save time, combine the celebrations. Just line dance in a large, diseased colon while yelling Finnish obscenities at grasshoppers. (If you do, make sure to send me pictures!)
March is also National Noodle Month, National Nutrition Month and Kidney Month. March 5th is Multiple Personalities Day (should there be several days for that?). March 20th is Extraterrestrial Abduction Day. March 31st is Bunsen Burner Day. There are also several that I can't mention, but I really laughed about when I read them.
Today is St. Urho Day. Who is St. Urho? I'm glad you asked. According to legend, he used a pitchfork to skewer thousands of locusts out of Finnish grape vineyards, thus saving the farmers from losing their crops. He is now known as the official saint of grasshopper eradication.
To celebrate St. Urho Day you should wear purple and green to symbolize the grasshoppers and the grapes they never got to eat; you should also go to a lake shore and chant "Heinäsirkka, heinäsirkka, meine täättä hiiteen," which roughly translated means "Grasshopper, grasshopper, get out of here." He has a statue in Minnesota honoring him. He is depicted carrying a pitchfork with an enormous grasshopper impaled on it.
March 27th is National Quirky Country Music Song Titles Day. Grab some of your most redneck, backwoods friends (you'd better not call me) and line dance to the likes of "May the Bird of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose" by Little Jimmie Dickens, "You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly" by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty, "You're the Hangnail in My Life (And I Can't Bite You Off)" by Hoyt Axton, and "Flushed From the Bathroom of Your Heart" by Johnny Cash.
Make sure to celebrate all of our national observances. To save time, combine the celebrations. Just line dance in a large, diseased colon while yelling Finnish obscenities at grasshoppers. (If you do, make sure to send me pictures!)
posted by Bobby Wales at
3:16 PM
1 Comments:
Okay honey, I'm concerned about you! And to think you warned ME (in a comment on my blog) about people with idle hands....
Your Dad told me that the news said there is one of those colons in the Bangor Mall! He already knew (when I was reading him your blog) about it being colorectal month, "Tim Sample told us on the news the other night". Now there is a picture... Tim Sample, ayuh, talking about colorectal issues. I wonder if he has a cat having kittens in the oven comment with that topic?!?!?
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