Who picks them?

Have you ever noticed while watching the news that when the reporters interview bystanders, they always pick the most backwards, inbred, redneck, buck-toothed goober that they can find? I'm not talking about just the local news here in South Carolina either. Even national chains like CNN seem to be able to find just the right person to interview. Apparently clean cut, well dressed and intelligent people never witness anything.

If a meteor fell on Cape Cod, the news people would show up on the scene and somehow they would find the one guy on the Cape named "Bubba" and hook him up to the microphone. Not only is that person's appearance very distracting, but their speech pattern usually merits using subtitles in order to understand the story. "Well, I was just sittin here on dis here banch cause I was waitin for the bus. See, I lost my driver's license back in November, no October-it was before the NASCAR season and I didn't get to go to Dover to the race cause I couldn't drive, not legally anyways. So I was sittin here and all of a sudden I saw this bright flash in the sky and heard this loud crash and I got dirt sprayed all over me- it was like the time we were out muddun in my new Chevrolet truck and we got stuck, that happened a lot in the Chevrolet, and my cousin spun the tires while I was fixin to push on the tailgate and I ended up eatin a lot of dirt. . . . . . . . . . . . ."

My theory is that it is a secret competition between reporters to find the worst possible "interviewee" and at the annual "Reporters Awards" they have an prize for "Most Incomprehensible Interview." I hear it's a tight race this year between "Cooter" in Topeka talking about the 5 car pile up and "Billy-Bob" in Birmingham describing exactly what happened after he said "Hey y'all, watch this!"

In hindsight, I am really glad that I have never been asked to give a statement. I must not fit their profile.