The Perfect Business

When an entrepreneur starts a company, he wants to find a niche in which his business can have a monopoly or at least provide a service that people will use for a long time. I have found such a business this week (other than EMS; as long as there are stupid people, there will be EMS).

I was sitting on our bed, somewhat bored when I noticed my wife's Woman's Day magazine sitting there and the cover articles caught my eye. Here are four of the articles:

"Eat, Drink . . . and Stay Slim"
"Fast and Fabulous Thanksgiving Feast"
"Smart New Organizing Tips"
"Woman's Day Shopper's Guide"

I don't know if you caught the irony of those articles or not, but let me break it down for you. First we have an article on healthy eating. Since we are all vain and concerned about our weight, especially the target audience of this magazine, having articles on eating healthy and losing weight are the one thing that a magazine for women needs. Now, don't think I am picking on women. I said "concerned about." I did not say "they need to be concerned about . . ."

We also have an article on creating the perfect Thanksgiving feast. This is a must for every woman who wants to provide her family with a large and memorable Turkey Day meal. This is especially useful for the first timers who have never prepared a Thanksgiving or Christmas meal outside of their mom's kitchen before. They (usually) need the extra guidance and help to prepare such a large feast. Incidentally, it is not recommended to approach the table after it has been prepared by such a first timer and say "If it's all the same to you, can I have Cheerios?" Especially if that first timer is your mother; she will bring that up again; and again; and again over the years. Ask me how I know.

Back to the point. The first article is on losing weight. The second article, and several recipes in the magazine, are on how to prepare wonderful, non-healthy indulgent meals (see the Free Cookie Cookbook section). So our magazine is fattening up our target audience and then teaching them how to lose weight, and vice versa. With the constant diet cycles prevalent in the magazine's target audience, the magazine's advice will always be needed. They make sure of it.

The third article addresses the issue of home organization. Of course this is also a big topic. No one wants to be known as being the one in their scrapbooking group with the house that is in a constant state of disarray. What causes such disarray? Clutter. Stuff that we buy thinking we will use it everyday and eventually (after two uses) it finds its way to the back of the closet or kitchen cabinets. Eventually there is no room left in the cabinets and closets but we just can't throw things away after we spent money on them and clutter starts to spill out into the rest of the house. The cure? Read Women's Day's tips on taming the clutter monster.

This brings us to our final article. This is more of a category of articles than a specific article. What good magazine does not have buyer's guides? After all, we can't possibly find enough things to buy on our own without some help. So right after the magazine tells you how to solve your clutter problem, they give you a list of things that you need to have and tell you where to get them. Do you sense a trend here?

Then there are the articles on eliminating debt right after the above mentioned shopper's guide. We wonder why women get compared to roller coasters with their whims and emotions. It's because they read Woman's Day and try to follow the advice. The constant changes between diets and feasts, shopping and saving, accumulating clutter and eliminating it causes stress in their marriage. As soon as their husband is acclimated to his wife's needs, another monthly issue of Woman's Day comes out and her priorities change (there may be another monthly cycle at work there too). Once again, Woman's Day has the answer with their marital advice.

Woman's Day has perfected their business plan. The advice that they freely distribute counteracts the advice they just freely distributed. They create a problem, then fix it, then create another problem, then fix it.

I need to start a business like that. Brilliant.

Incidentally, I don't know why my wife subscribes to this magazine. She doesn't need to lose weight. She is a good cook already. Our house is clean and has little clutter, except in my study and she already has good taste (after all, she picked me) and doesn't need to be told what to buy.